Thursday, September 16, 2010

Boozer Gives A Mouse's..........

     First allow me to introduce Boozer (I know some of you already know him and enjoy his stories, but for a minute let's pretend you don't), our yard approved miniature mountain lion. The 30lb ferocious feline protector of The Nut House. He guards us from a myriad of evils like dogs, stray cats, cicadas, trick or treaters, lizards, politicians and anything else he deems a dark force that needs eating so that we can rest easy every day. You get the idea big, bad, tough cat. This story involves a new threat that Boozer has never encountered (to my knowledge anyway) and how the forces of deep dark evil were dealt with by the purrrrfect protector.
     The other night Boozer encountered a creature that hasn't been seen near The Nut House in well over 10 years. A creature so dark and evil that it required a unique technique for it's disposal. The creature in question, you ask? The answer would be an evil, dark magic practicing, rabid mouse (if you asked Boozer). Yeah, I know, big deal it's a mouse and he's a cat and nature calls the end. Except that that really wasn't the case between these two. What should have been a quick torture session and nom feast turned into an almost 4 hour show of epic cartoonish proportions.
     It began with some innocent rustling around in the native fauna in the yard (native fauna meaning dried out dead weeds, the only thing that grows here plentifully). At the time I figured he had found a lizard that had taken a special How to Evade Cats course at the local Y for lizards that he was after. After hearing the rustling for close to 1½ hours I got curious and decided to investigate because a lizard that can escape Boozer must be some sort of new species spawned from radiation exposure or genetic testing and must be captured and studied. You can imagine my surprise at discovering that it wasn't a lizard but a mouse and the scene I interrupted was one of brain imploding oddness. 
     There sits Boozer, calm and contemplating, watching the mouse. Then I see something that I've only seen happen in cartoons (welcome to brain implosion #1). The mouse runs up to the cat, smacking into his paw, then merrily scampers off a few inches to sit down and see what the cat will do. Boozer gets up and walks over to the mouse which he gently picks up (brain implosion #2) and carries him off a few feet and then sets him down. Then the whole thing starts over again while I stand there with my mouth hanging open and brains leaking out my ears. The Boozer and Jerry show continues for about an hour (with me being used as a shield more than once by Jerry) before I intervene and capture Jerry to relocate him to a mouse friendly zone (meaning the field 2 blocks away) since it seemed that Boozer had no intentions of dispatching him any time soon and I am a firm believer in not playing with your food for more than an hour.
     With Jerry temporarily contained I went in search of something to transport him to friendly territory in. As you can see this arrangement made Boozer very happy til he remembered he doesn't have opposable thumbs. Which apparently didn't hinder him while I was inside vainly attempting to find a suitable mouse transport system. After several minutes of searching I gave up (vowing to pick up shoe boxes at the next possible chance) and went back outside to check on Jerry and threaten Boozer within an inch of his furry hide. Both of which were completely useless as I discovered the tableau below.
     Jerry had been released! The Boozer and Jerry show marathon had returned from it's intermission break, much to my dismay. Another hour of cat and mouse tag ensues, only this time with a bit more menace to the play. At this point I'd like to give those of you reading this some fair warning. The rest of this story contains some gory descriptions that are not recommended for the easily queasy. If you are one of these you may want to stop reading and pursue another activity with the thought that Jerry was relocated and is enjoying a long happy life with others of his kind. For those of you who are not......well come with me my pretties. 
     Boozer had finally tired of playing tag with the vermin and had carried it off to the neighbor's front yard to dispatch the evil creature. Which many of you, if you have cats, know can mean a staggering multitude of acts of carnage delight. From the tame, tossing and catching until limp. To the artistic, classic modern cat interpretation of Picaso. To the Lecteress, mouse tar-tar served Chianti and a side of fava beans. To the wonderful choice that Boozer made on how to dispose of the beast. Thankfully this time I was spared the usual nom fest which Boozer loves to give me (and no I will not go in to any more detail there).
     Boozer, finished with the carnage, went to get a drink while I (being a courteous neighbor) went to make sure there wasn't anything that would cause issues. I discovered that Boozer had finished all but one bit of Jerry and he had left that bit on my neighbor's doorstep (brain implosion #3). Sitting there in plain sight was a mouse's ass. Boozer had chosen to leave his favorite non-his humans a mouse's ass (which in cat is high praise). This leads to me gloving up to dispose of the ass before an unfortunate event happened involving a toddler, a mouse's ass, and a sound barrier shattering scream (and yeah I know, spoil sport).  

     The moral of our little tail, just when you think your cat doesn't give a rat's ass he'll prove that it's not a rat's ass but a mouse's ass he gives.

Wishing you a warm nest and good nuts,
The Queen Nut